


The Scarlet Handbag

by friendsofthemusain24601



Series: Harry Potter [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I cried writing this, M/M, Multi, Remus and Sirius were in love okay, Remus is my baby and deserves better, intense self hatred, it gets sad, it's vegan? kinda, oh also flashbacks hurt and we see baby Remus get turned, sorry - Freeform, this seems like an adequate amount of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendsofthemusain24601/pseuds/friendsofthemusain24601
Summary: Remus is hit with the pain of remembering thanks to Lily's purse.





	1. The beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> This was too long for a one shot so it will be broken up into a few shorter chapters, I am thinking around five chapters and I KNOW IT IS INCOMPLETE BUT I AM FINISHING IT TONIGHT OR TOMORROW I PROMISE SO GIVE IT A SHOT!

He knew it wasn't logical, but in his current distressed state there was no stopping himself. Remus squeezed his eyes shut and reached his hand into the purse that had been left for him after…. The incident. That blasted, scarlet purse. James always teased her that it was a cop-out red, not TRUE GRYFFINDOR red as he would have purchased. He teased Lily. Past tense. Shit, Remus thought he could do this, but now he wasn't sure. All of their belongings were left to him, because who else was left? James and Lily were gone, which was probably assumed considering the discussion was of their things, but oh God he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that they were just- gone. Gone like Marlene; her smile never again to taunt Lily’s boys. Gone like the light from Lily’s famously emerald eyes. And Peter, oh god oh shit shit shit SHIT, PETER. All that was left of him was a FINGER. Oh my god, Peter, who loved to follow James around and making Remus hot cocoa before the Full Moon, despite knowing the House Elves could do it, but believing it was better handmade with care. Peter who wore polos and khakis and was the best dressed of the lot, other than Sirius on special occasions. There it is; there HE is. Sirius. Remus sighed and felt his chest constrict as his lungs momentarily forgot their orders to breathe. Some memories will always be too painful. 

Memories like his first transition, or worse; the night he was bitten. He was so young, practically a baby; almost five years old. There is no description adequate for the horror of this scene. Little Remus slept in his bed as this full grown monster pried open his window. A monster not because of his condition, but due to the fact that he preyed on children and was a sick, evil bastard. This monster called Fenrir Greyback stared down upon the unsuspecting little boy until his dark intentions woke the boy from his slumber. 

Remus lifted his head from his pillow and was unsure as to why he felt this terrible uneasiness; all he knew was that the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up and it was too quiet. Fenrir stood where the night hid him from view with a satisfying grin stretching from one ear to the other, and he slowly, cautiously raised a finger to brush his lip. His tongue darted out to greet the finger and he relished in imagining the taste of Remus’ blood. Remus’ throat clenched and his heartbeat drastically increased as he sensed something was wrong; that he was being watched, and he held his breath. This was Fenrir’s favorite part. Creeping up close enough to feel the warmth radiate off of their skin, and then that fatal, final HUMAN exhale, before he would change their lives forever. Remus didn't see it coming. They never do.


	2. Fenrir Greyback.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night Remus was turned, and the terror of a little boy who doesn't understand the cruelty of his father.

He may not have seen it coming, but Remus felt every agonizing millisecond as the werewolf sunk into his flesh. There was a horrifying squishing sound as teeth pierced skin and little Remus hollered in agony. His parents rushed in, but not soon enough, for Fenrir wiped the blood from his filthy lips and trailed his fingers across the wall and onto the side of the window. Mrs. Lupin alarmingly turned on the lights to see the cause of her son’s distress, and had to cover her mouth for fear of her stomach turning against itself.  
“Remus?” She shakily inquired, as she stared petrified at the trail of blood.  
Through hiccups of fright and tears he replied, “I’m- I’m okay Mummy, but something bit me. Dad?” He questioned as he noticed his father searching the windowsill and finally meeting his eyes worriedly.  
“Let me see son,” when Remus made no movement Mr. Lupin repeated his statement more urgently, and frantically lunged forward, “I said let me SEE.”  
Remus gasped in pain as his father too roughly grabbed the neckline of his tee-shirt. “What is it darling?” Mrs. Lupin probed, and from what she knew of her husband’s work she was terrified that she knew the answer already.  
Even more agonizing than the pain were these next few moments for Remus; the worst of his life until his first transition, and then….. Halloween. And everything that came after; but for now, this was devastating. His father slowly looked Remus dead in the eye and addressed his wife as if he wasn't present. “Our son was bitten by a werewolf. I’d say it was Fenrir based on our argument the other day. He’s been fucking ruined.” Confusion erupted across Remus’ small face, and this trusting little boy crawled onto his knees and placed a hand on each of his father’s shoulders.  
“Dad, w-what’s wrong? What do you mean? What’s ruined?”  
“I am NOT your fucking father.” Each word was clipped, and the quiet forcefulness was something that adult Remus would be ashamed to know he matched in anger. It felt like a sucker punch now, those words and the way his- not father shook off his hands, looking repulsed. Mr. Lupin’s next words were addressed to his wife once more, and he glared right above Remus’ head.  
“He’s like HIM now. Unclean. No son of mine will have dirty blood. Merlin only knows if Hogwarts will even accept someone like you. The students won’t, but maybe the headmaster will be some dog loving freak.” On the word dog he brutally snapped his gaze upon Remus who sat quivering like a strung bow, wincing as each word sunk in. He dug his nails into his palms at his sides where his father couldn't see, but was unable to stop himself from shaking, and he fell apart when his father departed with one final, “Unclean.” for emphasis.  
Remus was breathless, bloodied, and entirely at a loss. He felt worthless and didn't understand WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM? Only hours before his father had made him tea and played him in Wizards Chess (he was rubbish, for the record). He didn't understand what was happening. What did his father mean, “He’s like HIM now”? Who was he like? Why was he DIRTY? Remus felt the blood trickle from the hollow of his neck down his shoulder and he stifled a sob, not wishing to anger his father more. Why would Hogwarts not accept him? What the heck is going on?!? Remus sniffled and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. Staring ahead with wounded and still such innocent eyes he asked himself if he deserved it.  
“Well,” Remus whispered softly, if his dad could turn on him this quickly, then “obviously it must be my fault”. That night he wept bitterly for all he did not understand, and he did not sleep a wink. He pulled his knobby knees into his chest and curled into himself, making himself as small as he possibly could and his eyes stayed on the window, frozen in fear.


	3. The green wallet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real reason that Remus reached into the purse was not exactly a pleasant one.

After that unfortunate trip down memory lane, Remus snapped out of his reverie and from the tips of his hair to the bottoms of his feet he felt a throbbing lack. The emptiness that his four friends had previously filled was ripping him apart. Gutted like a jack rabbit, and with everything so heavy and black inside of him he was certain that he would choke on the thickness of it all. Remus took a gasping breath and cast away all thoughts related to the boy he couldn’t bear to think of. Rather, he focused on the task at hand; the reason he had first reached into this godforsaken scarlet purse. He withdrew a small green wallet which James had purchased for her at their last Christmas, because it matched her eyes, and Remus squeezed his own eyes shut because he knew that if he saw a photo of them he would lose what little grip he had on things. Without opening his eyelids he fingered through the wallet’s contents before settling on a few bills and closing the bag once more. 

Remus defiantly ignored his demons and marched right up to the muggle convenience store which Lily had often taken him to, before he faltered. He clenched his hands into fists as he had done when distressed since a young age, and he fought the urge to go running away from anything related to them. Instead, he pressed on and pushed open the door, receiving a greeting from the cashier he knew well over time.  
“Hello Mr. Lupin! Where is your fiery young lady-friend today?” The friendly old lady may as well have stabbed him for how badly those words ached. She always held the suspicion that Remus and Lily were more than friends, and despite being corrected many times she persisted. Being a muggle she had no idea of the affairs of the war, and he didn’t have the heart to tell her the fate of the bright young mother she knew.  
He bit back tears before replying with a strained voice, “Lily couldn’t make it Ms. Smith. The usual please.”   
Ms. Smith handed him a bag full of muggle candy bars called Hershey’s and he paid her as she chatted away unknowingly.   
“You better have a talking to with her, oh I know she has her hands full with her baby but dear, I miss that wild thing! You tell her and the baby to visit, you hear? He must seem so big now, ONE YEAR OLD, but oh how he’ll grow! He’s so young!”  
The pain increased with each word she prattled out and Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak and he quickly grabbed the bag before darting out. 

They were young too. 

Remus was unable to move or cry and with planted feet began to heave mercilessly. He needed everything to stop hurting, and although happiness would never be possible ANYTHING other than pain would do. The grief was so much more than him; it was all-consuming and he had no way of battling it. The only thing he could think of was the friendly advice he was once given from a young boy with unruly dark hair on the Hogwarts Express.  
“Eat, you’ll feel better!” Remus smiled slightly, recalling a small James Potter warmly offering the frightened boy sharing his compartment chocolate. The corners of his lips bitterly twisted when he also recalled the main reason why he accepted the sweet. Chocolate kills dogs, “perhaps it will kill the dog inside of me!”.  
His efforts were as useless as his continued existence without his friends; his soulmates, but that did not stop the emotionally spent man from hoping. He bought the chocolate to possibly cheer himself up, but the underlying reason which he would not admit to himself was that on some level he was hoping it would kill him.  
He ate one candy bar and- felt nothing. Not the swift release of death he knew he was naive to wish for; nor did he feel better because of his favorite food. He felt nothing. Sick of the numbness and scared of more pain Remus ate another; still hoping. Nothing. One more maybe? Nothing. Frantically he hate a third, and a fourth, and then a fifth. Now he felt a little sick, but overall- nothing. Drowning in grief he swallowed a last bite of chocolate and collapsed on the floor, exhausted. Remus shut his eyes hoping his eyelids would act as a barrier for the tears he could feel brimming, but inevitably they flowed over. His body was wracked with sobs as he cried for James and Lily, for Peter, and for Little Harry, all alone. He cried out for Sirius which made him convulse harder, and he found he couldn’t bear this. He couldn’t bear their absence, or the thought of his first full moon without them, and he was terrified of more pain. Weeping Remus shook until the early hours of the morning and every minute prayed that he would stop existing and all of this would go away.


End file.
